2. Celia
Celia left the hospital that evening feeling defeated. Between watching Dr. Calendar take a man off of life support and having to clean shit off of an eighty year old woman, she also got a call from a collections agency. Student loans were bound to be the death of her. Her mother always said, “don’t worry about that now, worry about that later,“ when she said she couldn’t afford to go to college.
She walked towards the bus stop and saw that she had just missed the bus and would have to wait 45 minutes to catch the next one. Most people would find this situation frustrating but Celia subconsciously believed that she missed the bus on purpose. Afterall, it did happen the majority of the week. Those extra minutes spent smelling the flowers in the hospital gift shop and waiting for the fresh pot of coffee to be ready were worth it. Additionally, she took those 45 minutes to catch up on her reading. Her current selection was Letters to a Young Poet by Rilke. She treasured it’s message of embracing one’s solitude and using it to enhance their own strength. She found similar joy in reading the message of necessary solitude found in Walden.
She found joy in the idea of solitude but despised being alone herself. She spent very little time alone and any time that was spent that way was an anxious time. She didn’t consider this to be a weakness because she didn’t feel it was a fault. She loved the joy of company and would rather be surrounded by people than be alone. She always kept large groups of friends in order to have a number of people on speed dial to keep her busy. Most days she would not go home until late into the night and was out of the house before the sun came up. Her mother often nagged her for keeping her apartment at all when she could just as easily live in the basement apartment at home. “Think of all the money you would save,” was her favorite thing to say. Although she would never admit it, she knew her mother was right about the money, but also knew that she wouldn’t be saving her sanity at all. The relationship between the two wasn’t a bad one, but it had it’s moments. They got along much better when they didn’t live together and she had no intentions of going back there.
In order to keep herself busy she joined a dating site and made it a point of going out on at least one date a week. Most of these dates were unsuccessful and didn’t lead to anything special. The majority of the men were not afforded the luxury of a second date, and those that were, usually didn’t make it to the third. Celia wasn’t picky or anything, she just needed to feel that spark to let a guy past the first date. She went as far as always kissing on the first date to test the waters. She wasn’t a bad date either. Most men found her attractive and enjoyed the time they spent with her and would love to go out with her a second time. Celia had a knack for conversation and the nursing field had given her a unique ability to read people very well.
The last guy she went out with falsely represented himself online and it killed Celia to maintain her polite nature during the date. He had said he was 30 and had a swimmers build. He was thirty, but she could see immediately that he had not updated his picture or description in quite some time. He wasn’t obese or anything, but he definitely wasn’t in the same shape he was in five years ago. She didn’t want to hold it against him but she did not like people who couldn’t be real with her. In addition to his false description, he also was too arrogant for Celia. He made a point of mentioning his penthouse apartment several times and made sure to mention that it had once belonged to a famous writer. Mind you, he couldn’t recall the name of this so-called famous writer. She ended the night early, but not before giving him the kiss test. Sure as shit, he didn’t make up for his lies and arrogance with the kiss and before he even left the parking lot Celia was deleting his number.
“Tonight would be different,” she told herself. She had been chatting with Steve for quite some time on the dating site, but their schedules were always conflicting. He was a pilot and weeks went by where he was not available. He emailed her last week that he would be home for the whole week and would love to see her. She had become so convinced that they were not going to meet in-person that when he said he was free, she almost said she was unavailable. However, she remembered so fondly that his first email quoted the Rilke book she was reading. “Let life happen. Believe me: life is in the right always.” It was a quote Celia had taken as her own personal motto for the new year and decided that he was worth the wait and meeting him would be great.
When the bus finally arrived she closed her book and boarded. The bus driver was a familiar face and always asked her how her day was. “Another day on the grind,” was her usual response. Today she said, “took a lot out of me, but tomorrow’s another day.” He simply nodded and she got the impression that he could care less. She found a seat in the back and found herself searching her purse for her makeup and mirror. She hated that she didn’t have time to home to shower before meeting Steve. If she wasn’t able to shower, she was definitely going to make sure she looked her best. Before she could start the process, she dropped a container of Tic-Tacs on the floor. The sound of the breath mints rolling on the floor followed.
“Fuck,” she said loud enough for the old woman in the front of the bus to gasp. She avoided looking up, out of fear that the old woman would be scolding her with her eyes. Instead, she went to work on her canvas. A little lipstick. A little eyeliner. A bump in the road, and a little makeup eraser to fix the extra line on her cheek. She never put on more makeup than she would be able to wear to work. It was easier that way and she was convinced that any guy that couldn’t deal with her looking a little more natural than others, wasn’t the guy for her. She looked up to see that her stop was coming up and she shoved her items back in her back.
As she got off the bus, she admired herself in the reflection of a shop window. She felt confident that Steve was going to like her. After all, he told her on the phone last night that a woman that put too much thought into how she looked, didn’t think that much at all.
She found herself in front of The Wine Thief and eyeballed the menu on the door. Looked good enough and she saw a number of items she would choose from. She scanned the room for Steve, but didn’t see the man from the pictures. She would usually wait at the bar. Tonight she chose to find a table. The restaurant was very relaxed and the waiter quickly brought over a glass of water and three tasting wines. He explained, rather quickly, that they were featuring three new wines tonight and were giving samples. The waiter spoke too fast for Celia to comprehend what he was saying. She smiled and nodded as he went through the descriptions. She caught a word every now and then. Crisp. Robust. Full-bodied. She thanked him and told him she would be waiting for a friend to order.
Steve was late. Celia hated lateness but was willing to give some room to Steve. She felt he would be worth the wait, but not worth waiting to order a drink. She chose one of the tasting wines and the waiter was happy to bring her one. He said something about getting points when someone ordered one of the new wines. He ran off again. She wondered if he was always that scattered brained, or if he was on something tonight. She chose the latter after watching him play drums with a pair of forks and giggling at his accomplishment. He dropped the forks when he saw that his boss was watching him too. Celia found herself laughing out loud when the water quickly grabbed a towel from the bar and wiped it off as if that was intention all along. Despite his rather erratic behavior, the waiter, Ollie, was cute.
Celia checked her phone repeatedly to see if Steve had called or text her. Forty-five minutes late and he hadn’t bothered to do either. Her desire to wait for him was waning. She was hungry and told Ollie to bring her some calamari. She told herself that she would wait fifteen more minutes and then she was going home. Ollie brought her the appetizer, and at her request, the bill twenty minutes later. He said something about being sorry her guest didn’t show up. She shook her head at the bill, and the thought that she had just took herself out on a date. Ollie took the bill and thanked her for the generous tip. She was about to walk out the door when she noticed a cell phone lying on the ground. She brought it to the bar and handed it to an elated bartender. “Oh, shit. When did I lose that?.” he asked her as if she knew that answer. He looked absolutely puzzled and Celia’s first thought was that everyone that works at this place must be on drugs. Nick, as he introduced himself, told her she couldn’t leave without have a drink on the house. She looked at her watch to see that she another forty minutes before the next bus came and decided to take Nick up on his offer. She had another of the tasting wines, only this one was not as good as the other. Nick repeatedly laughed to himself and looked back and forth between his phone and the spot on the ground where Celia had found it. Celia finished her drink, thanked Nick for the drink, and started walking towards the bus stop. Sitting on the bench, she felt her phone vibrate. It was Steve, apologizing for his absence. An emergency. Blah, blah, blah. Without another thought Celia deleted the message and his number. First standing her up and then texting instead of calling. “Sorry Steve,” Celia said as she gathered her things. She got on the bus. Another bus driver asking how her day was and another response of, “took a lot out of me.”
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